Offering Praise Sandwiches and Celebrating Wins

Pretend you are a child who wants to keep up academically with your friends.  You often have more original thoughts than your friends and you think more creatively, but no matter how hard you try, you just don’t seem to be able to read and write as quickly as your friends do.  And attention is always called to the latter with the emphasis on you falling further and further behind in literacy.

What is your reaction?

Whatever your reaction is, there are children reacting that same way every time negative attention is paid to a struggle.  

The child who is falling behind often feels incapable, embarrassed, even stupid.  This begins to manifest in all sorts of behavioral issues including social withdrawal, isolation, bullying, tantrums, depression.

The psychological reality is important to consider, as it leads to behaviors which lead to labels which lead to self-identification which leads to perpetuated behaviors and habits, and the cycle goes on.  

How do we stop this cycle from beginning?  It is important first and foremost to acknowledge each child as a unique individual with talents, interests, thoughts, imaginings, and creativity that is developing and being perfected from something innate within the child.  Find the child’s inner beauty and strength.  Observe what makes the child come alive.  Be ready to be awed by the child.  The attitude of the adult toward the child nourishes the soil in which the child is rooted and blossoms.  A flower can bloom in many different conditions, but the health of the plant depends on the richness of the soil.  With a healthy attitude from the adult, the nutrient rich soil of the environment establishes healthy roots for the child’s growth nourished by a sense of belonging, acceptance, stability, and confidence in his or her place within that environment.

Once the adult has allowed themself the joy of wonder in the child’s growth, it becomes important to observe how the child is growing and the child’s strengths and weaknesses, interests and disinterests.

Strengths and weakness; interests and disinterests.  These are two different concepts.  A child may have interests without specific strengths and vice versa.  Consider strengths to be skills and interests to be an innate thirst to understand something.  A child may have an interest in fashion and not be able to sew.  Or, a child may be able to sew, but have no interest in making their own clothing. The child with the interest will work to develop the skill; the child with the skill may never develop an innate interest.

Because we are speaking specifically of literacy success, we will consider the importance of praise sandwiches and compliments when assisting a child to gain the skills needed for literacy, recognizing the lack of skills as a weakness that can be strengthened through competent and targeted training.

(As for interests, it is always a good idea to find books and hands-on opportunities that interest the child.  The child who struggles to read is more likely to be determined to read if they are offered books that pique their curiosity.  But the child does not need to be complimented on their interests, they simply need to be offered opportunities to further those interests.)

With the attitude of the adult fixed firmly in the knowledge that the struggling reader is a unique individual gifted with their own innate interests and abilities, the adult gets to encourage the child to build specific skills.  The repetition of concepts is important, along with explaining the mechanical whys and hows of reading, writing, language in general.  

As the child develops a skill, especially a skill that is difficult and time-consuming, always look for a positive in the work that is being done.  If a child is learning the st blend at the beginning of words (stand, step) and has difficulty putting the st in its proper place (andst, epst), start with a positive praise such as, “You remembered that /s/ and /t/ say /st/ when they are next to each other.”  Follow this with a helpful question, “When we look at this word (point to stand), what do we see at the beginning of the word?”  At this point, if the child still struggles to say the word, you can offer even more help, “Yes, we see ‘st’ at the beginning of the word and ‘and’ at the end. ‘St’ … ‘and’.”   Let the child repeat the word while looking at it.  After the child says the word, offer more praise, “You just read ‘stand’!”

When a child has succeeded in understanding a specific concept and can recall it independently, praises like, “You did it!” are important.  Phrasing praises in the second person emphasizes the skill coming from within the child, places the onus of learning on the child, and allows the child to take pride in personal ownership of that skill.

There are times when the compliment simply has to do with effort exerted.  “You are working so hard!  Your effort is appreciated.”  Maybe if that is the case, take a break or simplify or shorten a task.

Compliments and praises must be sincere and truthful.  We all know what it feels like to receive a Regina George compliment: no sincerity, no truth, no generosity, no respect, no kindness.  We also know what it is like to receive the well-intentioned fluff compliments: too much, too sweet, too exaggerated, too overwhelming, too forceful. Just empty words that do not resonate.  Children are intuitive.  They can sense true, genuine compliments from disingenuous, false ones.  Remember, as adults we are preparing the soil for the child’s growth.  Offer nutrient rich words that continue to feed the soil rather than spoil it.

Finally, not everything needs to be complimented.  Positive praise and sincere compliments are important within measure, but sometimes, a child can simply work without compliment interruptions, especially if the child is fully concentrating and engaged in the work.  You can observe and you can take joy in the child’s work, but allow yourself times when you do not compliment the child. Let the child take ownership of their work without emphasizing effort or accomplishment.  The child should not become dependent on compliments to feel confident.; rather, the child needs to feel confident in their skills because their skills are giving them the ability to accomplish more difficult tasks independently from an internal impetus. This is the child who is rooted and blossoms in a very healthy environment.